MY Button Was Pushed!

I was talking to a friend last night about a recent breakup that she experienced. As we began to talk, I opened up to her about my experiences with failed relationships. Sure, we have all gone through heartache. The point that you feel that you won't make it, and your heart is hurting so badly that you can hardly breathe. Sigh....yes, it hurts. But as a counselor I am always willing to look deeper into how and why we grieve, especially when we experience the loss of a relationship. My mind immediately went back to a prvious breakup. Being transparent, I really had to evaluate what the relationship brought me. Alot of times, we grieve the loss of the "dream" or what the person represented in our lives. As a person who grew up as the least popular girl, I always wanted to be popular. Thus, growing up I was attracted to guys that seem to have alot going for themselves because of how it would make me look to others. Thus, I clung to unhealthy relationships with guys that I thought had alot of clout. When the relationship was over, the little girl inside me who wanted to be accepted so badly by people grieved the loss of the dream again and again. This is an example of how sometimes the relationship is not about the other person, but about what inner, open wounds we have that the person seems to cater to.

I have a coworker who talks about a concept called "button pushers." He shares that people come into our lives, and they push our "buttons." The buttons could be low self esteem, insecurity, hurt from daddy never being around, etc. Well, the person pushes that "button" and we react to it. Then we blame the person that we are hurting, when in fact they are not the one with the button. WE ARE!! Thus, they came along and even if their actions are not intrinsically wrong, they become wrong in our eyes because they cause us to respond negatively due to our own hurts and hangups. I believe that when we grieve over the loss of a relationship, we are in a part grieving those old open wounds that were not healed.

I shared with my friend that at the juncture of a past relationship ending, I had to come to a place that I stopped looking at the other person and started focusing on my own healing. At the time, I hated it when people told me that because I wanted to continue to point fingers at the other person. I had to look at MY buttons that were pushed and begin to deal with them. Insecurity, low self esteem, etc. Truth of the matter is that pointing fingers doesn't heal wounds. Facing our own issues and seeking God for true inner healing does:)

Which button of yours has been pushed lately?